everything kind of sucks now. i didnt ask for this, really. and i dont know why i even bother to be so optimistic sometimes--its like believing in stuff that wont happen; its like lying to yourself. so whats the point? im not sure if i want school to start anymore. the first few weeks of the holidays i wanted school to start real bad but now i dont know. its all so different now. this holiday sucks, apart from the minority of it. i guess archery is fun. but my arm has this fugly bruise due to the string or something. apparently i dont know how to rotate my hands. seriously, why must everything get so complicated? why wont everything be fine for once? but nothing is perfect, and it can never be. now i miss those times. terribly.